Recent changes in the school development project have been tough and really felt like a struggle. When I'm connected to my deepest sense of Purpose I'm certain that my decision is not only the best one for my family but also serves the school.
However, it cannot be denied that my decision is disruptive and jarring to our fragile womb. Is that a positive and neccessary part of gestation, or useless pain? I suppose only time will tell if I've been effective in midwifing the birth of this school. Reminds me of one of my past posts entitled "Life Lessons from my Chickens". A group of people working together to create an entirely new organization is a struggle. It is complicated enough for two people to form a partnership such as marriage, but for four families to become cohesive enough to create agreements based on commitments of time and money is incredibly complex.
And while I have a number of skills and tools to throw into the mix, there's still so much more that is needed for this collaborative venture to produce anything. We have passion and determination, but whether or not this outweighs our fear and uncertainty remains to be seen. I've attempted to create a space where people feel safe expressing concerns and discussing their growth edges. I've attempted to guide people to their growth edges and invited them to ponder the chasm between us and our dream. I've tried to model this by being transparent in sharing my own hopes and fears. I'm even putting myself into this blog, knowing full well that anyone can read this at any time.
Yesterday I gave out a six page list of the action items to be achieved in the next 10 weeks. At each step in the journey there seem to be two choices, either we step up or we step down. I sooooo want to see us step up. But I can't help but think that people might percieve that I have stepped down. I find myself questioning whether I did the right thing. But I don't want to be right, I want to be part of a cooperative elementary school. I want children in one of the poorest rural counties in the entire country to have a stellar education, regardless of the income of their parents. I want to look back at this blog post and smile in a knowing way... and realize that just like giving birth to a new baby, it was the most long, painful, and arduous blessing of our entire lives.
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2 comments:
Hé Tony, I'm following your blogposts and your adventure with the school. There is one thing to know about acting in a complex environment: you can only sense what is the right next step.
One of my mentors would say: What is the minimal, elegant step right now?
Ria, I'm deeply appreciative that you are following this story and that someone thousands of miles away (Belgium) is gently holding our vision along with us.
I was just saying to our teacher today that in the end all any of us really have is that soft still voice deep within, gently pointing which way to go. I really like the way your mentor has phrased this. I'll try to remember those exact words.
Thanks and hugs to you!
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