Feedback and Resistance

I'm playing in several systems right now. In some cases the systems are 100 years old and I'm analyzing and intervening in service to a larger cause, such as various US Forest Service units at the national, regional, and Forest levels. In other cases I'm co-creating entirely new systems such as a cooperative elementary school and a new Forest Service Enterprise Unit called Organizational Development Experts (ODE).

In doing so the concepts of feedback and resistance come up frequently. First let me clarify that I'm using the term feedback from the Systems Dynamics perspective: feedback is an iterative process which generates the form of the system.

I left our last school meeting feeling angry and frustrated. I wanted to just let go of the entire effort. It seemed to me that the other people in the group were unable or unwilling to accept my donation of money for start-up costs such as filing the 501-3c (non-profit) paperwork. In my anger I realized it was futile to create a school based on fund raising and donations if the people who comprise the school are not able to accept or even ask for gifts of money. I took it as feedback that the group was just not ready to realize its dream.

Due to time and circumstances, I didn't get the chance to communicate any of this to anyone else in the group. And that's surely a blessing because as it percolated into my flesh I gained several more understandings. First, as the anger wore off I felt devastated and sad. I work hard to make positive changes in the world. In exchange for working hard I receive a salary which more than covers our basic needs. The earnings, then, afford me the opportunity to create even more good in the world by engaging in various activities such as switching to renewable resources and supporting the local economy and community. I felt like it was all a waste and that the effort was worthless if I couldn't share my abundance in our efforts to provide children and families with an excellent educational opportunity. For several days I grieved over this.

The grief turned to bargaining and I began to grope for ways of realizing this dream. As the facilitator of the strategic planning process, I feel like its my role to help the group take the steps needed to implement the vision and mission which we created over potlucks and amidst the din of laughing children. I thought of things I could say or do in order to nudge or even push people beyond their growth edges.

Finally, I've found acceptance, and here is what that looks like today. I've accepted that the group is not ready to realize the dream we created over the past two years. More importantly I've realized that they've been trying to tell me this for the past six months and I couldn't hear it because I was in denial. The truth is that the rest of the group is quite comfortable reaching for a smaller version of the dream, taking baby steps toward the larger dream. The truth is that we never really did lock in on one solid vision. My family came to the group with different needs and experiences than the other three families. Our central value for our kids education is that they need socialization, and so we were originally leaning toward public school. The other three families had always leaned toward home schooling for reasons of their own.

My husband and I have decided that this fall our son will start kindegarten at public school. Now that we've taken our kids out of the equation I can re-align myself with the needs of this group. I'm still dedicated to helping them realize their dream. I'm still dedicated to helping each and every person who is part of the cooperative achieve their best and highest purpose. And now more than ever I'm available to be present to the fact that being a servant to these people and their dreams means allowing it to emerge and unfold at its own pace.

It turns out that this time I was the resistance, and so I surrender in service to the greatest good.